My Testimony: Fully Known and Accepted

But despite spending what felt like hours on end at church, I never truly had a relationship with God. To me God felt like a God of rules, restrictions, and long hours. Because there was no children’s church, we sat in the main sanctuary with the adults. I distinctly remember how unkind some of those adults could be when the children became restless during services. In a place meant for community, I never really felt like I fit in.

Choosing the World

By the time I was 16, I wanted to break away. I intentionally got my first summer job before my senior year with one goal in mind: to work on Sundays so I wouldn’t have to go to church. It worked, and I stopped attending.

I had made the choice to come out of alignment with God. He doesn’t force us to love Him; He gives us the freedom to choose. In Joshua 24:15 it says: “Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.” In that season, I made my choice. I chose the world, and I quickly found myself separated from God.

The Weight of Sin

I had always felt different growing up, a feeling that only deepened as I got older and drifted further into a sinful lifestyle as I searched for acceptance. By nineteen, I found myself pregnant, isolated, heartbroken, and carrying a burden of shame. I sat in my college classes visibly pregnant, feeling completely separated from my peers, and abandoned by both God and my daughter’s father. In the years that followed, desperate for acceptance and trying to escape the pain of a broken heart I turned to a life of partying and substance abuse. I was looking for community, trying anything to fit in, and running from my pain—all while carrying the responsibility of being a single mother.

In Psalm 34:8 it says, “My iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.” I was weighed down by my own choices and the shame of my situation.

But looking back, even when I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, I can see how His faithful hand was always on my life. As God tells us in (Isaiah 45:5), “I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me.” Even when I didn’t know Him, He blessed me with a support system that allowed me to graduate college and provide for my daughter.

The Good Shepard Pursues

In fact, He used my daughter to pursue me. An invitation to a kids’ Easter event brought us through the doors of a new church one Easter Sunday. Jesus is the Good Shepard who relentlessly pursues His lost sheep. As (Luke 15:4) reminds us, He is the One who leaves the ninety-nine to go after the one lost sheep until He finds it.

He saw my need for acceptance, my shame, and my broken heart. That Easter Sunday, I responded to an altar call and gave my life to Christ. I received the Good News that Jesus came down to earth, lived a perfect life, and willingly died on the cross for my sins, rising again on the third day to permanently destroy our separation.  In that moment (Ephesians 2: 4-6 ) became real for me as it says, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved…”

A Desperate Surrender

Though I gave my life to Jesus that Easter Sunday, I realize now that I had not yet developed a relationship with Him. Years later, when I endured the painful end of a marriage, I found myself right back in a familiar season. It was the exact same feeling I felt when I was younger—the consequence of seeking a life outside of God’s will. 

Yet, this time was different; my heart was desperate for a true, intimate relationship with Jesus. I knew that I needed Jesus. I repented and surrendered my life into His hands. And as I have continued to develop my relationship with the Lord my life has not been perfect but I now stand on the assurance of his word that says he never leaves or forsakes me and that he is with me wherever I go and even though I am guaranteed to face trials in this life that I can take heart, because He has overcome the world.

Jesus meets us in the most painful places. He covers our past failures, steps into our broken hearts, and removes our shame. He died for our sins so that we could be in a relationship with Him, and He fully accepts and knows us.

Have you ever felt the weight of shame, a broken heart, or isolation? If you are tired of carrying burdens on your own, Jesus is inviting you into a relationship with Him today.